xellzios:

Pairing: Royai (Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye)

Rating: T

Disclaimer: My first FMA fic. I’ve loved this pair for ages but I never once wrote something for them. That might change now though because I need more of them. lol.

Do let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading. 🙂

PREVIEW:

He closed his eyes as the sound of thunder once again filled the silence. How many times had he failed, how many moments had he felt helpless because of the rain? And yet today, the heavy downpour drowned away his sorrows and washed his fears away in a way the presence of the sun couldn’t. Still, he felt her warmth cling upon him in the way she held Roy to her – with her burying her head on the crook of his neck, but before long, their eyes met.

All he could see was her warm and gentle eyes as he studied her face, and the kind smile that urged him to let go. All he could feel was the warmth of her body that was pressed on his – skin unto skin, her gaze only on his.

He never liked the rain.

It wasn’t only because of the fact that his alchemy didn’t work because of the humidity it brought, nor was it because he was useless in fighting when it rained.

It was because the rain brought upon a torrential flood of hopelessness and despair when it did.

For Roy, the rain symbolized the times he lost, the moments he felt helpless and could only watch as loved ones suffered and died right in front of his eyes. It symbolized his tears and the cascade of grief that resurfaced from deep in his heart.

And so he vowed never to cross that line again, vowed that he would rather sacrifice his dreams and die before he would allow someone dear to fall into the hands of death.

But for all he knew though, at least the rain washed away the sins that he brought as he scorched like the sun – bringing chaos along with him, like a reaper cloaked in blue. 

He never could win, could he?

Thunder roared and lightning struck in the distance, illuminating the dimly lit room. The rain drowned all other noise he could hear, filling the nooks and crevices it could reach. Yet his gaze only lingered on the toffee-colored orbs that were looking at him – almost curious, almost trusting.

Almost.

He closed his eyes as the sound of thunder once again filled the silence. How many times had he failed, how many moments had he felt helpless because of the rain? And yet today, the heavy downpour drowned away his sorrows and washed his fears away in a way the presence of the sun couldn’t. Still, he felt her warmth cling upon him in the way she held Roy to her – with her burying her head on the crook of his neck, but before long, their eyes met.

All he could see was her warm and gentle eyes as he studied her face, and the kind smile that urged him to let go. All he could feel was the warmth of her body that was pressed on his – skin unto skin, her gaze only on his. 

“Is it really okay?” He whispered as he held her back, lowering his walls and dropping his defenses. 

“Don’t you dare.“ 

She heard a laugh, a deep but gentle rumble in his chest as his throat vibrated. Roy held her closer, snaking one hand on her waist as the other played with her hair. 

For a decade or so, he had coped with the horrors of war by looking at a dream and clinging to it – knowing that it was the only path he could salvage his soul. Every day, he would don his uniform, but not before he thought about what he had done while wearing it. 

What he had done to get this far.

Nobody knew him enough to know about his misery, nobody knew about his past. For everyone else, he was Roy Mustang – a hero of the Ishvalan War and the Promised Day. They did not know of the man behind the mask, who now lived to protect those he held dear as he carried his sins on his back like a plague he would never get out of. 

But now, here was Riza, looking at his onyx eyes with such intensity and tenderness, who always managed to stun him. 

No one else had seen so much of Roy Mustang other than one Riza Hawkeye.

She would cast a look on him that for most felt stoic and unnerving, even emotionless. But Roy knew that with every glance she gave was a hint of care, of worry; a hint of sadness, a hint of fear, and even of love. For most people, they would read words instead of actions, but it only took him a glance and a look in her eye, or even the sound of her voice to know if something was up – and she was the same with him.

He had walked into Riza’s life and met her father to become his apprentice, not realizing he would grow to love her. She watched a young, naïve boy learn alchemy thinking it would bring a better future. She entrusted him with the secrets of her flames long after her father passed, believing in his dream for the future even when he was just a soldier who was fighting a war in which he had no idea why it existed. 

And Riza Hawkeye had seen his heart break over the pain of the people incinerated by these flames, as hers silently cried and begged for the nightmare to end. 

She had made him come apart beneath her touch, as her eyes spoke of understanding and forgiveness. Riza followed Roy into hell even after all the pain he had caused her. And most of all, she still believed in his dream – still believed in the ideals he sought, still believed in his heart.

Because of it, he had never felt like people would come to truly know him as she did. 

Roy stopped fighting against the urge and gave in, leaning forward and cupping her face with his hand. Their lips slowly intertwined, throwing all caution to the wind. 

How many times had he dreamt for this to happen? He already lost count. 

He put a stray hair away from blocking her view, tucking it behind her ear as he marveled at how beautiful it had grown the golden locks had grown. Riza was always the simple-minded one – always choosing comfort rather than beauty. Acts which showed him how beautiful she was, was very rare. It made him smile nonetheless.

"You’re always walking a step behind me, but I always wished you would walk beside me.”

He had let himself crumble with her touch – baring his soul as it sought her. Because Riza always had his back, always was there to protect him. She would always follow him into battle, and even followed him to hell. If Roy did so much as ask her to sacrifice her life for him, she would in a heartbeat.

He could feel a hum in her throat as she closed her eyes and nuzzled to his chest, could observe the lines that marred her face as his hand started to trace the scar in her neck.

When Roy met Riza, she was like an open book who wore her feelings to her sleeve. He didn’t even need to ask her what she was thinking because it was written in her face. But war has changed her, and now she was remarkably self-contained – hiding her emotions, even going so far as locking them up where people wouldn’t find. She would keep her thoughts and feelings to herself unless necessary, even though he knew she still felt and thought deeply as she did back when they were younger.

He knew it because that was what he did in order to protect himself from the horrors of his own actions – of every scream and look of death, of every blood and tears he had caused.

He knew it because she started to change as she watched her idealism shatter right before his eyes in Ishval. 

That’s when he realized that he didn’t deserve her, that’s why he tried to keep away. Because she was too good for all of them — especially for one such as  Roy Mustang.

It was because he didn’t want to destroy her further.

Because despite how much she’s changed, she was still the same Riza that he knew and learned to love. She still fought for a future that the next generation would enjoy, for a happiness others would be able to find – even if hers got lost in the process. She was still patient, and kind, and affectionate. These things made her beautiful, a one of a kind being that touched his soul in a way no one can.

But there was something about her that seemed just out of reach, locked away. And it was his fault.

Riza put her hand on the one tracing her scar, enveloping it in hers and squeezing it tightly, snapping his thoughts away. She knew what he was thinking, could very well see the guilt in his eyes. So she just held him closer and smiled tenderly. “I always have.”

His heart skipped a beat and his breath hitched. And before he knew it, his eyes started to moist because the sight he saw before him. Lightning and thunder danced as the rain continued to fall, their presence bringing a renewed vigor to the world.

And now maybe, just maybe, he could believe that there was beauty in the storm.

There was a feeling in the depths of her now exposed toffee orbs – warm and tender. A feeling of love and acceptance, a feeling of joy that he couldn’t help it as a small sob escaped his throat.

Maybe this was it, maybe this was the missing link.

All Roy could see was her love – all he felt was her warmth and comfort as she clung to him.

“Riza,” he breathed. She was so beautiful.

He wondered if he ever deserved someone like her but then again, he knew he didn’t but she was here nonetheless. And so he poured all his feelings by worshipping her wholly.

A chaste kiss landed on the crown of her head and traveled to her forehead, to her eye, nose, and cheek. They were fleeting, and yet they were warm, expressing his desire to thank her for being with him – for choosing him, for being his. He gave care to every skin he could touch, thanking her. Her eyes closed at his notions until he finally joined with her lips – tongues dancing, bodies molding together.

Through the dance of their souls, the only thing he could see was her – her love, her affection, her longing. As her own tears fell while she held onto him tightly, all he could give her was his overwhelming feelings of love and gratefulness on a miracle that was her.

How could someone like her accepted and loved a monster like him? How was it that when he broke the kiss and stared into her soulful orbs, all he could see was her love, as a small smile played on her lips?

She had given him forgiveness when all he did was take away. She had given him comfort when he felt alone. She had accepted him when he was selfish, showed him kindness when he gave unto hate.

For once he prayed that this was real – that she was real.

He held her closer, not wanting to let her go. There was safety and comfort as he held her in his arms, as he stared into the depths of her soul.

::::

“Roy?” she asked, as his eyes focused back to meet hers. The way his name slipped off her tongue was like poison – intoxicating, addictive. Her eyes betrayed her worry, frowning. He gave her a small smile as he held her closer, burying his face in her hair.

“You know, if given the choice to set things right, I would have chosen you over everything.” His eyes were somber and Riza did not need to see to know he was blaming himself once again – a side of him no one could see, a side of him that always cried to be saved.

There was something in the night which made walls crumble, she thought, something that made one vulnerable to the other. She could feel her heartbeat racing as her breath hitched, and she barely could suppress a shudder.

“Then maybe, just maybe, none of this would have happened and we would have lived happily.”

With a sigh, she closed her eyes. “Even if you did not go to the front lines, the war would have still happened. Even if you did not participate, it would have given the same result.”

“But I wouldn’t have had to kill and use the flames you entrusted to burn innocents into ashes,” he lamented.

Riza cupped his chin and made him stare into her eyes, willing him to understand. “It takes experiencing it to realize how you want to make a change, Roy. And that sets you apart from the others.”

She brushed the stray hair away from his face ever so gently, her face somber, her eyes full of life. “For what it’s worth, I’ve always chosen you.”

Did she not regret it? “But are you not afraid? What if I fail? What if I still am the same murderer I was back in Ishval?”

The desperation in his voice was palpable as it cracked with every word, it broke her heart to see him this vulnerable to his fears.

“After the war, I clung into a false hope that I would only vow to kill to protect the people I love. And that… made me human,” she opened, eyes somber. “Whenever I pulled the trigger, I think of you and everything our dream embodied because I know in my heart that I still believe in you.”

Roy clutched her hand, as if clinging onto it for dear life. His throat felt parched and sandy, heart racing at Riza’s words. And then he felt the warmth of her lips kiss his forehead. “You will always have me.”

He didn’t know why, but those words brought him comfort like no other – to know that whatever happened, Riza would be here with him.

It brought him solace as he realized that she felt the same as him, that she loved him dearly. His hands wandered into her stomach, carressing the still-flat skin. “Are you really happy?“ His voice sounded so unsure that it made Riza chuckle.

But she knew why he had to know the answer. She knew that everytime he dragged her along with him, it was uncertain they could come back alive. He knew of all the dreams she gave up, of all the things she could’ve had if she was not here. 

But what he didn’t know was that she needed him – that his dream was also hers, that the young boy who once told her his dreams with such bright eyes moved her soul. “Yes“

He whispered something in her ears, like how he had done in the last few months they were together. It was fleeting but heartfelt, something that only she was allowed to hear. Up until now, it gave Riza butterflies, as a warm fuzzy sensation enveloped her heart. because through the storm of their lives, they found each other – thundering, exquisite, surreal.

And as the rain settled into a small but calming pitter-patter, he finally looked up to see the world in a serene calm, as it brought about a new day and another chance while they waited for a new life.

Maybe, the rain wasn’t so bad after all.

Shaaaaaar I am a sucker for Royai and especially soft, angsty Royai, I love how their insecurities are assured. This story is very comforting, and I love it.