Try to use this things as an excuse for bad beheaveour stuff like oh I just did this cuz I have bad anxiety … do you Think that having an mental illness or an abusive past excuse you from bad Doings?

No, you aren’t overreacting. There is a strong difference between understanding what caused a behavior and excusing it. It is true that hurting people hurt others. But you are still hurting people, and it then creates more hurt which creates more hurt which… and on and on and on. Someone eventually has to say stop. But it’s hard as well. Mental illness and an abusive past are incredibly difficult for people to deal with (I deal with both) and it can be agonizing to handle. But hurting others in my pain still is not okay. 

As an example from my own life… I suffer from depression and obsessive-compulsive and C-PTSD symptoms. When I was at my lowest, I pretty much cut everyone off and withdrew from almost all my close relationships. Because I was hurting. But, in my hurting, I hurt people too–people who really loved me, when I legit just wouldn’t talk to them anymore. Fortunately, now that I’m on Zoloft and have been doing more/less better for over a year now (though I have really bad days too, it’s not like it was before), I was able to touch base with those people and apologize and repair those relationships. No one was really angry at me once I explained the cause, but I also made a point to acknowledge that they were hurt and I was sorry for hurting them. Because in my pain I caused them pain. 

If you are attempting to explain why you did something hurtful as a symptom of your illness, that’s brave of you. But I think it’s vital to acknowledge someone else’s pain, because if you don’t, you are in essence saying “my pain is more important than yours.” It’s not okay. I can understand and empathize with why someone might do something hurtful, but if you are not acknowledging the pain you are causing and not trying to do better, you aren’t helping. 

You aren’t helping yourself. You’re not going to get better if you don’t admit there’s a problem. Your hurt won’t go away by hurting someone else. You aren’t helping the people around you. And you aren’t helping the general stigma of mental illness by being like “well, it’s my illness talking so I can keep doing this as an example of what it’s like to live with this and who cares whom I’m hurting, aren’t I brave for raising awareness of what it’s like to live with this illness?” I see that attitude a lot on tumblr and as a mentally ill person, abuse survivor, and a former counselor myself, it really makes me feel sad, because it’s quite a myopic way of looking at things, and it’s really hurting you as well as hurting someone else. Your mental illness may be a significant part of the cause of you hurting someone, but you have a responsibility to say “I’m sorry, my anxiety was really bad and I lashed out. You didn’t deserve that, I will do better” or something along those lines–and then to take steps to try to do better. 

So yeah, having a mental illness and/or a tragic past does not excuse you. It does, however, warrant empathy. Ableism is a real thing and I’m kind of sensitive to it, and I hate it when people police the coping mechanisms of abuse victims because some are more societally acceptable (while being equally unhealthy as ones that aren’t). And it’s true that people should not be condemned, because unless you’ve walked their path with them, you can’t judge that you would react any differently. But you can say “stop hurting me.” And if you are the survivor or the one with a mental illness, you probably do warrant accommodations in a variety of ways (like, if I obsessively wash my hands, please know it is not an insult to the cleanliness of your place, or if I get tense and panicky at a certain sound it’s not that I’m afraid of you, it’s that I’m probably about to have a flashback), but ways that allow you to hurt someone aren’t (like lashing out at someone and then being like “I was just feeling anxious we’re cool right?”) 

The goal of therapy is often to replace maladaptive coping mechanisms (bullying would be one) with better coping mechanisms that are actually helping you heal (express your anger in writing, for example). I wish tumblr (and society in general) would be better at encouraging people to pursue such methods by giving someone who is struggling a safe place to express their pain but also having good boundaries (”I understand you’re feeling anxious. It’s still not okay to yell at me.”) 

*btw: you can be angry and express it without hurting someone*